Miss. Realist (Me) Advice on Relationships
Broken by Choice:
Hi everyone, I’m new here. I have a really bad situation on my hands and need non judgemental advice. A very brief history: I was married very young in life, had a child, and divorced soon after. I then remarried another man several years later only to find that I cannot be happy in this marriage either. Lack of attention, affection, anything. We are roommates sharing bills and have been for some time. My child is now in their teens and needs a stable family life which I have provided her at the expense of my own happiness. Over the last several months I have been friends with another man. During the course of the last 4-5 months our friendship has grown into something more. I wasn’t looking for anything in him. Even though I have been in a loveless marriage for over 10 years, I was determined to stay with this man until my child graduated high school. Now, I’m not entirely sure I can. The man I have become close to is more than just some nasty affair. I have been miserable in my last two failed marriages because of poor choices onm my end and not thinking things through far enough. Marriage is always the next step in a relationship…so I have been told. At any rate, the failures have been my fault and I have paid the price. Now that I have found someone who I am completely compatible with, I’m not sure if I stay with my current relationship (marriage) and provide the stabilty for my child (loveless marriage) or possibly ruin their life by getting the divorce early and being with the man I love. Please, I know what society thinks of me. I just need advice.
Miss. Realist:
It’s rather interesting reading this post (http://boards.live.com/Lifestyleboards/thread.aspx?threadid=486515&boardsparam=Page%3D4) because I can almost determine the background of the people responding to this based on their answers and tone in itself. Hopefully, you can do the same and use advice from people who are more realistic than practical.
As for the situation that you’re in-Nobody can tell you what is right for you because everyone’s emotions and ability to handle similar situations are different based on the individual. However, there is one person that you need to keep in mind when making your decision: You.
Some have said in their advice that you should think about your husband (who is probably thinking about himself while you stress about not hurting him) and others say your child (who is definitely a priority but should not be involved in making your relationship choices).
The bottom line is if you’re not happy-leave. Who doesn’t like it will have to build a bridge and get over it. Furthermore, don’t feel bad about loving someone outside of your marriage because when you’re true to yourself, you love without boundaries. You don’t choose who you love so it’s understandable. What you shouldn’t do, however, is sacrifice one for the other because then you’re basically sacrificing your needs.
You need to weigh your pros and your cons and decide what is best for you. Your child, regardless of your decision, will be an adult someday and will have their own issues to deal with. And when they do, they may ask your advice but they’re final decision will be what they want to do becuause it is their life-so you should do the same.
Set goals for yourself and stay focused about accomplishing them. Once you do that, everything else will fall into place. DO NOT, however, live a life based on what society says because the truth is-most of society isn’t happy with their situation either.
Lastly, you should know, that marriage does not always have to be the ultimate level of a relationship. We live in a different time where it is ok to think outside the box. Best Wishes.
