Why I Don't Believe In Marriage
Every time I hear one of my peers, particularly female, say that they can’t wait to get married-I squirm and wonder, what the hell? Are we really in some sort of time warp where women aspire to be married and truly believe that there is “the one” out there for them? I don’t get it and here is why:
- I don’t believe that there is “the one” person out there that is made for you. And even if there was, why would anyone want to limit themselves to one person in life when there are so many people in the world to learn from and grow with? I’m not even speaking about the sexual aspect (which even if I were, I still don’t see why its necessary to have “one ” person once you’re protecting yourself and can live with yourself at the end of the day). Sure there will be people, or a specific person at some point and time in your life, where you really hit it off but it is specific to that time in life that represents your perception and the kind of people you attract at that point at time.You see, the Universe is set up so there aren’t any coincidences (and that can be a discussion all on its own). You meet people to learn things from them-it’s like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Once you’ve put one portion of the puzzle together, you continue with the rest. If you stick on one piece, however, you’ll live life never knowing what the complete puzzle looks like or learning other lessons of life.
- It’s not natural to be with one person for the rest of your life. Hold up! I’m not saying that its not possible to be with one person-but for the rest of your life? Get with the program people. Boredom, curiousity, and all that good stuff is natural. Therefore, you’re bound to get bored in a marriage and once that kicks in (and even if it doesn’t) curiousity will kick in and being that you have one life to live, you should satisfy your needs. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think you should jump on everything that has two legs (and whatever your preference of genitalia is between them) just because “its natural” but I certainly encourage mankind to experience the beauty of satisfying your mental and physical cravings more than a marriage would ever allow you to do (at least if you have a conscience).
- Women do not belong in the house anymore! Hellooooooooo!!! It is a different world out there. Women are taking on positions in the job market like never before. We are entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers-In other words, we are independent and don’t need a man to survive economically. It’s good having them around-kind of like, ice cream with cake. It’s an addition to complement the taste but it is not necessary to enjoy. I’m not saying that it is impossible to be productive and industrial in a marriage (Lord knows my mother was) but unless you have a problem with reproduction, childbearing is inevitable and along with it, is weight gain, attention to children not the husband syndrome, low self-esteem, less sex more stress-you get the point. This is the time and the century for the woman to focus on the most important person in life-herself.
- Life is not meant to be lived in a box. Most people that get married (according to other people’s mistakes and my ability to prevent them) are afraid of being alone, are caught up in the time, are dependent, and/or do so because of religion, tradition, culture. I find that people who get married end up alone moreso than if they were single or had a significant other (my definition: no legal or religious binding) because they adjust to a routine (work 9-5, pick up kids/wash/clean etc thereafter) rather than a routine of spontaneity which is often found in relationships that don’t require an “image” or a “definition.” This lifestyle omits friendships, excitement, and pretty much the equivalent of death if you ask me. Furthermore, married couples, I must admit are cute in the beginning. They’re always kissing, hugging, and telling each other how much they love each other. However, that s&*% lasts only for a time because when real life kicks back in, it comes at full speed. Others get married because they are dependent and really, have no other choice. Not everyone was raised in a home where independence is priority but rather using other people as a means to an ends, which in this case, the ends is a security blanket. Lastly, and my favorite, is marriage as a result of religion, tradition, or culture. I must say that the last people I spoke to about my ideas on marriage looked at me as if I were talking about the world coming to an end in .59 seconds. One young lady (23 and married) was a preacher’s daughter and the other (18 and engaged) a Hispanic woman. Now, nothing is wrong with either of the above. However, their reactions were expected because of their background. When you are raised in a church, you’re usually taught to wait for sex until marriage (how convenient for the men who preach it). Therefore,the idea of no marriage at all would seem barbaric. Too, this upbringing creates a box where anyone who lives outside of it is made to feel shame and guilt (not me though-life is too short). So, if you’re raised as such, speaking against marriage would be a “sin” essentially. I am not one to convince others of what is right and wrong because I feel that is defined differently for every individual-when it comes to morals at least. However, I think it is sad that when people become so involved with an institution such as the church that they become dependent on an “image” and ideals of an institution rather than on their true inner beliefs. Likewise, my Hispanic friend had the same reaction because in that culture marriage and family is primary-which the concept is nice but in actuality it benefits the men but not so much the women. I could have a discussion all in itself about why I don’t believe in religion too but the tips of my fingers would not permit (*I believe in God and would not tell anyone otherwise but I am not a fan of religion because it excludes people and creates a lens for impaired vision.)
- “Who Sent You?” This is my favorite phrase and you’ll see why. When you get married in today’s society and you end up unhappy and/or cheated on, my only question to you is “Who Sent You?” Only oblivion and denial could tell me that the possibilites never ran through your mind before you got married. And only oblivion and denial should tell me that none of the above would eventually happen. Therefore, when it occurs, don’t make yourself out to be a victim. You put yourself in that position and now you ought to live with it. Also, it is not the fault of anyone outside the marriage-just those who chose to be in it.
- I am selfish. So what? At least I can admit that I put myself first and intend to do so for the rest of my life. (Not that life won’t kick in and change that but not as long as I can help it.) Marriage also means compromise and sacrifice-something that I am not willing to do. As I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, I have one life to live so why should I settle for the shorter end of the stick?
- I know what marriage means-which is why I don’t agree with it. Marriage is eternal, infinito, forever and ever amen. Do you understand? I don’t think so. (To deep and draining to get into-separate discussion).
- Tell me to do and I won’t. Tell me not to do it and I will. It is out of pure human instinct to do what you’re not supposed to do, particularly out of rebellion. Therefore, this statement is vary applicable to marriage. I can treasure having a significant other more because I know that the person is there because they want to as opposed to being there because they paid several thousands of dollars a couple years ago to say that they want to be with me forever in front the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and everyone else who will talk should I get divorced. There is something more profound about a couple who are not married but choose to be together because the image is real and the actions are sincere. I would feel good knowing that I could leave someone or someone could leave me whenever they wanted to and for whatever they wanted to but I choose not to because I don’t want to. There is something profound knowing that I could have anyone in world (or vice versa) but I chose to be with my significant other. Marriage is not the same. Someone may have wanted to be with another person the day they got married, but if they changed their mind, they just have to pretend and portray an image that says that they still do. I prefer that I don’t have to tell you what to do because you just do it.
Now that I’ve gotten your attention up to this point and have played the devil’s advocate (and had fun doing it too) let me summarize this:
- I really don’t believe that marriage is beneficial to young women in today’s society.
- I would not discourage anyone from getting married. It is for some people but it certainly isn’t for others.
- Marriage should be for older couples who have lived life and can afford to make sacrifices that younger people should not have to make.
- Marriage (I do realize) is an insurance policy so why not get one? It is smart, I must admit (especially if you plan on having children or if you’re married to Tiger Woods). However, be focused and remember that that’s all it is because when the going gets tough, at least you have nothing to lose.
- Marriage “Forever” is timewarped and should be trademarked by Disney. What it isn’t is realistic.
- Marriage couples are some of the best hypocrites and that is something that I cannot stand.
- Marriage couples are some of the best actors because they know how to pretend and deceive. I don’t like doing any of the above.
Last but not least:
I do realize that there are some people who may actually be happy in their marriages and have done so faithfully and made all the sacrifices necessary and fought all the trials essential to do so. To the few, you are a rare gem and I compliment you. For the rest of us, who know deep inside that you agree with even two out of the eight main points stated above, this text is dedicated to you.
Many people think that my perception of marriage is negative-of course I don’t think so. It is just realistic.
In life you will have to make some sacrifices and risk some things. Some do that through marriage. I, on the other hand, prefer the risks of being single rather than the complication of offering my all to someone, only to have them abuse it,or find out my love was in vain years after the fact.
Also, because I like to think of myself as a “free spirited” individual, I would like to say that I would try marriage at least once. And I probably will…when I’m 60 :)
